About your Search

20121201
20121231
STATION
COM 110
LANGUAGE
English 110
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 110 (some duplicates have been removed)
's the use of hurting my pride ♪ i really can't stay, oh, but it's cold outside ♪ baby, it's cold outside (cheers and applause) >> stephen: audra mcdonald! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." what a good one we have for you tonight. my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, alan simpson-- one-third of the singing trio "ashford and simpson and bowles" ( laughter ) you should not get their album. they're not very good. let's begin tonight with america. it's great! and republicans in the united states senate think it's about time america cafta, side it's famed humility and let the world see the awesomeness that is us. >> the nation and the world need strong american leadership. >> we need to continue to lead the world. >> we wanted our example to inspire the people of the earth. >> they're waiting for america to lead the way. >> we are as a nation a beacon of hope for many across the globe. >> we've created a beacon of hope and oppo
humility and let the world see the awesomeness that is us. >> the nation and the world need strong american leadership. >> we need to continue to lead the world. >> we wanted our example to inspire the people of the earth. >> they're waiting for america to lead the way. >> we are as a nation a beacon of hope for many across the globe. >> we've created a beacon of hope and opportunity for the rest of the world. >> jon: a beacon of hope. a home beacon, a-- come on, world! follow our leadership. did you hear me, world? come on, follow! ( laughter ) don't make me send in the ( bleep ) drones. get behind us. come on! ( laughter ) i will rain down hellfire! ( laughter ) actually this week presented america with just that kind of leadership opportunity. >> there's a senate vote tomorrow on a united nations disabilities treaty. >> advocates say the united nations treaty approved by 126 countries, would promote equal rights and better treatment for the disabled inspired by u.s. law, the americans with stabilities act. >> jon: you're welcome. ( laughter ). once again, america's example has become t
(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. come on. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you so much. please, sit down. folks, folks-- as a great lady once said we got to hang out. well, merry christmas, everybody. as with you see i have fully incringe eled my set for the week. i have candy cane columns back there. i have my two big balls right down here. i have poinsettias all back there, festive and deadly. (laughter) but let's not forget it is also night three of hanukkah which i am celebrating by having just mentioned it right now. (laughter) you're welcome, jews. okay, that's called the colbert bump. speaking of me, everyone's speaking of me. >> south carolina senator jim demint is stepping down, so guess who's stepping up as a possible candidate, stephen colbert. (cheers and applause) >> within hours after the announcement he set up a colbert for senate web site and establis
. that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> here with reaction author columnist eric rush civil rights attorney, radio talk show host >> you don't even have the decency not to interrupt somebody >> you are an embarrassment, sir . shut up. please shut captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. come on. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you so much. please, sit down. folks, folks-- as a great lady once said we got to hang out. well, merry christmas, everybody. as with you see i have fully incringe eled my set for the week. i have candy cane columns back there. i have my two big balls right down here. i have poinsettias all back there, festive and deadly. (laughter) but let's not forget it is also night three of hanukkah which i am celebrating by having just m
of you ♪ with friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more ♪ through the years ♪ we all will be together ♪ if the fates allow ♪ until then ♪ we'll have to muddle through somehow ♪ ♪ ♪ and have yourself ♪ a merry little christmas ♪ now ♪ sses good night, everybody. (cheers and applause) from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. got a good one for you tonight. denis leary will be on the program, author of the new york, merry [bleep] christmas. am i reading that title correctly? iÑi can only assume it's a delightful romp to holiday cooking and decorating. leary loves crafting. speaking of christmas, you probably are aware by now our nation has been embroiled in a long, bitter war. >> the first salvo in the war on christmas >> the war on christmas jon: war on christmas! not to be confused with gwar on christmas. tremendous christmas album. for years now christmas has been under a
! the noted author and inventor neil young is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) we begin tonight with the attacks on the u.s. consulate in benghazi, libya. it was a tragic situation where american lives were lost and in the three months since the attack, legitimate questions of adequate embassy security, americas overall advocacy in fighting the war on terror and the intricate dance between national security confidentiality and the public's right to know have all been distilled down, thrown out and replaced with this one urgent conclusion concerning current u.s. ambassador to united nations susan rice. >> i will do everything in my power to black her from being the united states secretary of state. she's not qualified. >> jon: that's senator john mccain continuing his seven year quest to negate every good thing he'd ever done prior to that. (laughter) this time leading the charge to preempt as an of now hypothetical obama nomination for secretary of state to replace hillary clinton. why? because five days after the benghazi attacks, susan rice went on the sunday talk shows and sa
>> jon: that's our show, join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> parent groups say this company has gone to far on a berry with "merry christmas" b word and a back in with what happens when you party tpha *eg naked and slang for captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh merry ♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, thank you for joining us! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much, folks. there is tons of excitement in the air tonight. it is the final night of hobbit week. (cheers and applause) i'm so excited, folks. i'm so excited about tonight's show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a.m. dressed as my favorite character. tonight's guest director peter jackson. (cheers and applause) who has requested that tonight's interview be broken into three parts a
(cheers and applause) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> gender-neutral easy bake oven all because her little brother wanted one. because he likes to cook and he likes to bake but it's like they only have boys in the commercial so i want to play a little soundbite of tha captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captions ready to go captions ready to go captioning sponsored by captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ♪ ♪ (laughter) ♪ ♪ "the colbert report" the "the colbert report" ♪ (laughter) ♪ the "the colbert report" (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report"! thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen! folks -- (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) folks, with an army like you behind me, i think we can storm the moranin. folks, it is night two of how about week or as they say in the black tong of mordor, tuesday. (laughter) i'm just enjoying some of the pipe weed that sir ian mckellan left in his dress
.wgbh.org >> that's our show, join us your home of zen. >> getting ready for a zombie apocalypse. >> oh boy. >> s that is not a hollywood movie. it is a taxpayer funded drill by the department of foam-hand security, your government and there is a lot more where this came captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ oh merry ♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, thank you for joining us! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much, folks. there is tons of excitement in the air tonight. it is the final night of hobbit week. (cheers and applause) i'm so excited, folks. i'm so excited about tonight's show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a.m. dressed as my favorite character. tonight's guest director peter jackson. (cheers and applause) who has requested that tonight's interview be broken into three parts and aired every december until 2014. you know, folks, it's just been a great week. and spending
on sale february 3rd from my standup tour. 17 new u.s. cities, with special guests. i get that off the no fly list. we have been away a couple months. i missed news stories, here's some stuff that happened, russell brand and katy perry got sick of each other as we are of them. maybe they realized how freakish misshaped each other's heads are. >> mark sachez threw passes at his receivers feet. nick sabin said if something is hard, you can always quit and find another way to be successful. a key witness in the jerry sandusky trial died mysterious the president of china retired. "moneyball" marked the final performance of one of the best actors. you will be missed fat jonah hill. we learned the dangers of texting while driving a cruiseship, our soldiers showed they can piss whoever the hell they want. i'm todd came out of the pot cast. i can no longer be friends with you, but i am proud of you. good night, america. hello, milan! [ applause ] (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. good to have you with us. come on. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, steph
♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, thank you for joining us! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much, folks. there is tons of excitement in the air tonight. it is the final night of hobbit week. (cheers and applause) i'm so excited, folks. i'm so excited about tonight's show, i have been camping outside my studio since 5 a.m. dressed as my favorite character. tonight's guest director peter jackson. (cheers and applause) who has requested that tonight's interview be broken into three parts and aired every december until 2014. you know, folks, it's just been a great week. and spending time with the creators of the hobbit for the past four days has changed me in ways i never expected. i mean it's hard to put my finger on it. (laughter) i got to tell you, it is such high maintenance. i can never find the parts. and frankly my mani-pedi girl is on a suicide watch. but of course tonight a big story comes from my home state of south carolina. >> big breaki
of us can't swing a dead elf without knocking over a giant candy cane. for god's sake fox news itself is is located in midtown manhattan the epicenter of all that is godless, secular, gay, jewy and hell bound. yet even here all around your studio it looks like santa's balls exploded. that is a hypothesis. you know, in the old days before the war on christmas, the celebration and the birth of christ lasted a day. like birthdays do. then it seeped into the night before christmas. the eve, if you will. the next thing you know, we were riding this thing all the way to epiphany. fine 12 days gave time for lords to leap and partridges to pair and gold to ring and just 12 days of servants and [bleep] pourltry, whatever. but it still wasn't enough. there's a war on christmas? has anyone told thanksgiving? because this year black friday, a.k.a. christmas' opening bell got moved back a day to black thursday or as we used to call it thanksgiving. christmas is so big now, it's eating other holidays. watch your ass, halloween, you're next. ( applause ) i mean let me ask you a question. do athee i
justed that craziest dream. and it taught me that christmas belongs to all of us because all of us can find something in it to be angry about. you there, boy? >> yes, sir. >> >> jon: what day is it? >> today? why, bit christmas day, sir. >> jon: then it's not too late. here, take this. take this coin. >> i will. thank you. [laughter] how did you ever become quarterback? >> jon: how did i ever become quarterback president? >> i got it right here, sir, lovely coin. >> jon: take this and go buy me the biggest peking cut in all of china town. >> that i will, sir, that i will. >> jon: then you and me are having chinese food and going to the mother [bleeped] movies. >> really? >> jon: yeah. >> quick question, sir. may we go see "jack reacher," sir? >> yes, absolutely. >> old man stewart. >> jon: it's going to be the best christmas for a jew, ever. >> mazel tov, guv'nor, mazel show. now, if you looked at the calendar today or talked to anyone, you know it's a very special day, 12/12/12, the day the mayans prophesized as the beginning of the shift that culmination in the end of the world on 12
. you passed. - oh, no need to thank us for fixing your friend. - you'll have to come over for christmas dinner this year. - dad, i'm gay again. - or not. you know what i'm really regretting right now. - choking our dog to death? - yeah. ♪ - thank you for saving my life, connie. - i'm sorry i caused all this trouble, guys. next time, instead of turning everyone gay, i'm just gonna sneak into ethel's cabin and chloroform her. [laughter] - wait, what? - aah! news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. newark mayor cory booker will be joining us, but let's begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. we've had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70% of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lord's birth, to have a mass on that day honori
( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. new jersey governor chris christie will be in the studio. here it is, your moment of zen. >> his music has been one, long brilliant improvisation on the wonderful rhythms of life. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org . >> stephen: tonight, a new threat from north korea. how will mach eye and klinger hand this will one? (laughter) then, can homosexuality be cured? and what will that mean for bravo's ratings? (laughter) plus, my guest, author malcolm gladwell wrote the forward the new yorker's "big book of dogs." i wonder if "dog fancy" has a "big book of gladwells." (laughter) it's now legal to carry a concealed weapon in all 50 states. so if you are in one of them, be careful. (laughter) this is "the colbert report" (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome, ladies and gentlemen! (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the "report," folks, thank you
, thank you for joining us. it's great to be me. nation, it's a special time of the year. we've been looking forward to it for months now. and wherever you go you can see the twinkle in little children's eyes because they know in a few short weeks ♪ the fiscal cliff is coming to town ♪ merry cliffmas! (laughter) and with a dramatic name like fiscal cliff, it's got to be exciting. jim? >> the president is asking for $1.6 trillion in revenue. >> $600 billion in tax hikes. >> entitlement reform. >> dividends and capital gains. >> discretionary spending. (laughter) (cheers and applause) what happened, is it over? (bleep) oak, folks, i'll admit it. i don't want to talk about the fiscal cliff and you don't want to hear about it. for the next 20 days, all pundit are contractually obligated to talk budgetary policy and you the viewer are obligated to listen. check your cable contract. (laughter) it's right below the part where come cast gets your kidneys. they'll be there to pick them up tomorrow between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. wear something loose. (laughter) if the parties
: welcome to the "report"! thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen! folks -- (audience chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) folks, with an army like you behind me, i think we can storm the moranin. folks, it is night two of how about week or as they say in the black tong of mordor, tuesday. (laughter) i'm just enjoying some of the pipe weed that sir ian mckellan left in his dressing room. (laughter) pretty good. not as good as the stuff that willie nelson leaves behind. (laughter) still, wizardy weed is good for one thing. check this out. not bad, eh. save that for later. last night, gandalf the gray asked me to join him on the adventure and tonight it is the lead character of bilbo gag agains. martin freeman. how exciting, his father morgan must be so proud. (laughter) more on martin later but now, folks, i always go from the gut because my gut is the largest single organ in my body next to my balls. (laughter) sorry, prostate, maybe next exam. (laughter) but now scientists say that the older you get the less you can trust your gut. >> we all have a natural suspicion in ou
a christmas carol? >> sure. >> stephen: that would be great. mandy, would you join us? >> sure. >> stephen: all right. ♪ ♪ on the feast of stephen, and the snow may round about brightly shown alone at light ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ stand by me if thou most compelling ♪ ♪ don the peasant who is he wearing what his dwelling ♪ ♪ ♪ underneath the mountains right against the forest by st. agnes fountain ♪ ♪ and bring me blush and bring me love ♪ ♪ thou and i will see him dine when we bear thither. ♪ force they went together ♪ and the bitter weather ♪ stars at night is darker now and the wind grows stronger fails my heart i know not how i can go no longer ♪ ♪ dress thou boldly thou shall find the winter's rage freeze thy bloodless cold ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ therefore, christian men be sure ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: good night. [cheers and applause] >> from cod news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. newark
and recent cy young recipient-- cy young recipient-- r.a. dickey is going to be joining us on the program. (cheers and applause) the man. may be the first guest in the history of this program to be traded while i am talking to him. (laughter) they may just -- they may come in and take him away. (laughter) i think i'll ask him what race he'd like to be. (laughter) somebody asked me that before the show started. (laughter) we were talking before the show started and everybody's got a question and "who would win in a fight, frog or shark?" that kind of thing. someone just said to me "what race would you be if you could be -- i mean, obviously a jew is fine but, i mean -- if you had a chance, i mean, wouldn't you go asian just for a day?" (laughter) (cheers and applause) it's fine. they're nice people! they're casting a benton add and they needed -- it's actually a perfect way to get into a program tonight. we begin with the ongoing negotiations to save our economy or, as we're calling it, cliffpocalypsemageddonacaust. (laughter) our totally solveable budget problem. (laughter) >> jon: that's
will be joining us, but let's begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. we've had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70% of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lord's birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as, there is no war on christmas or you're [bleeped] crazy. [laughter] classic wit. that was before i realized what these poor folks have been going through. >> this is the thing about atheists, they bully other religions. >> they're trying to put their hands in my religion. >> it's about being intolerant to the nature of tradition in this country. this ends up being about bullies. >> they're being bullies. what are christians supposed to do? turn the other cheek. oh, oh, no, wrong jesus, my friend. >> there is a problem in america with the christian forces being weak. >> that's right. i'm telli
. cameron, people should know how you saved us all. how you raised the bar. how will they know what a hero you are? - james cameron doesn't do what james cameron does for james cameron. james cameron does what james cameron does because james cameron is...james cameron. [applause] - ♪ his name is james, james cameron ♪ ♪ the bravest pioneer ♪ no budget too steep, no sea too deep ♪ - ♪ who's that? it's him! james cameron ♪ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. got a good one for you tonight. denis leary will be on the program, author of the new york, merry [bleep] christmas. am i reading that title correctly? iÑi can only assume it's a delightful romp to holiday cooking and decorating. leary loves crafting. speaking of christmas, you probably are aware by now our nation has been embroiled in a long, bitter war. >> the first salvo in the war on christmas >> the war on christmas jon: war on christ
the media wanted to let us know that they totally knew she was pregnant. >> tabloid speculation began even before the wedding. fueled by every touch of the belly, every sip of plain water, every dress with a changing waistline. the signs were there just last week during a visit to cambridge. kate was spotted tickling the feet of a baby boy in the crowd. >> that doesn't mean she's pregnant. that just means she's human. how do you not tickle a baby's feet. what, before she was pregnant she was just giving babies the heightsman, just that. get out of my face, baby. i'm not pregnant, i tickle baby's feet. the drinking water, tickling baby's feet, any other subtle hints. >> intractable vomiting or throwing up that going on several timeance hour. (laughter) >> jon: apparently the duchess of windsor has been flinging her biscuits, as they say. so while morning sickness may be all right for commoners, the royals puke fancy. >> she is is suffering from what is called hyperemesis. >> hyperemesis gravidarum. >> isn't that the spell that us ed to defeat voldemort. >> hyper, mesis gravidarum. blah. >>
are saying it for me. "u.s.a. today" is stephen colbert running for the u.s. senate. huffington post, stephen colbert for senate. role call, south carolina for stephen colbert. "new york post", are we ready for senator colbert? (cheers and applause) are we ready? well, i get it i get it i know when i look at the u.s. senate. i say to myself, you know what they could use, another white guy. (laughter) so i want you to take to the twitters, okay, take to the twitters. i want you to tweet@nikki-- ask nikki haley why she should appoint me to the u.s. is senate with the hashtag senator colbert. (cheers and applause) s that-- that feels right. now of course we all know jim demint leaves some big shoes to fill. then again-- (cheers and applause) but i'm not surprised that the people want me to have this honor. i've been honored in so many ways. in lego form, in ice cream, in space station treadmill, as a plush hockey mascot. which of course let me realize my dream of having drunk townies throw beer cans at me. but now the ultimate honor has come. being immortallized at madame tussaud's wax museum. t
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 110 (some duplicates have been removed)

Terms of Use (10 Mar 2001)